Imagine having your parents issue a statement about your rape allegation — really imagine it

Punter Matt Araiza’s mom and dad depict son, accused of sexual assault, as victim in statement

Matt Araiza
Matt Araiza
Photo: Getty Images

I rarely think about the parents when a player gets drafted or signed. We always see the tear-filled interviews, or the wild cheering after a first hit, and I genuinely believe that almost all parents are just genuinely filled with pride and joy and happiness when their children reach sport’s biggest stages. It’s been a lifetime of commitment for them as well, after all, and who knows how much money and time they’ve poured in, or the ways they had to change their lives. They are rewarded as well.

But there are some, however few or many amongst them, who must look at their kids like retirement plans. We know they’re out there. They’re generally the ones assaulting umpires at Little League games or getting in fights with other parents in the parking lot. You know it’s not about their child, it’s about what they feel they’re being robbed of, in the most unhinged way possible.

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Speaking of unhinged, there’s Matt Araiza’s parents, who not only try to portray their son, accused of rape, as the victim (Araiza denies the allegations), but themselves as victims, as well as coming up with whatever statement a computer program designed to generate right-wing word salad would spit out as long as you included just enough terms that are chum to fuckwits. Clearly they are trying to woo a certain crowd to their side. Which probably makes some sense, given the makeup of many football fans.

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I particularly love when someone reaches for the oasis of “innocent until proven guilty,” but Mother and Father Araiza even include the fact that it’s “the rule of law” while not admitting or even realizing that no one is in court just yet. Outside of court, everyone is just about free to feel however they want.

From there it’s to the next tentpole, which is basically inviting abuse onto the accuser that she almost certainly is receiving anyway, playing the “Why is it only us?” card. Berating accusers is now the oldest, tried-and-true method for shitheads to get out from facing any kind of investigation and trial, and certainly Lord and Lady Araiza are hoping they can find dogs to release so that their son might achieve the same.

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They then claim harassment and threats, which I would bet good money have not happened, and then run for the stronghold of “canceled,” the ultimate siren song to the truly lost and stupid. What have Araiza’s parents been “canceled” from, exactly? Can’t go to the store? Their weekly cribbage game won’t have them back?

They then beseech everyone to let the legal system take its course, which… it will? Nothing that has happened here will keep their son from his day in court if that’s what he wants. Playing in the NFL isn’t a right, and seeing as how he’s a fucking rookie punter, the idea that he’s simply being “extorted” rings a little hollow. It’s also curious that the two other players who remain at SDSU named in the suit were removed from that roster (not that the SDSU officials have shown to be anything other than confused and entitled wildebeests).

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You might ask where Araiza’s agent and their PR team would be on this, and the answer would be that the professionals probably don’t feel it’s a good idea to do anymore than profess their client’s innocence, deny the allegation, and shut the fuck up from there. Guess they didn’t anticipate they’d have to email Mom and Dad.

I don’t know what Matt Araiza is, but I can pretty safely assume that if these kooks are indeed his parents. It’s a pretty good chance they’ve raised a quintessential asshole. Apple, tree, all that.

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Cruz Control

Let’s end on a high note, and by that I mean a note that was still going up when it landed, i.e. Oneil Cruz’s homer in Milwaukee last night (ok that was all a stretch but it’s late and I’ve had a day so cut me some slack here).

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Don’t really see anyone in the Miller Park bleachers busting a gut to get in front of that one like our coaches taught us. C’mon people, by the time it reaches the seats it’s probably only going like 105-110 MPH. Thought you were made of sterner stuff, Sconies.

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Also in baseball, tell me it’s about the hitters’ approach some more: