If you think Christmas is mostly an excuse for religious people to wield their faith like a weapon, ‘Twas the Fight Before Christmas is the documentary for you. It tells the story of Jeremy Morris, a lawyer/Christian who says he only wants to bring holiday joy by decorating his house for Christmas. But as the story unfolds, it becomes clear that he’s a vicious, unhinged prick, and his “Christmas celebration” is an intentional infliction of spite upon his unsuspecting neighbors. The result is the destruction of a peaceful neighborhood, a Fox News “War on Christmas” narrative going national, and an epic, ongoing legal nightmare that’s going to cost someone at least six figures and could enshrine Christian-bullying as the law of the land in America.

Streaming: Apple TV

I watch this movie every holiday season. The best of the Santa-goes-nuts-and-murders-people sub-genre of horror movies, Christmas Evil is like a stocking full of razor blades. It tells the story of Harry Stadling, an unloveable loser whose Christmas-related childhood sexual trauma results in the delusion that he’s Santa Claus—but a murder-y Santa Claus. Pretty standard horror movie stuff on the surface, but the grimy, sleazy, late ‘70s vibe and a truly unhinged performance from star Brandon Maggart raise this one above the pack. But it’s the ending of Christmas Evil that takes it from “pretty good” to “timeless holiday classic.” I won’t spoil it, but Christmas Evil’s finale is one of the greatest movie endings in cinema history, no joke.

Streaming: Shudder

The restrained glee with which Scandinavian black comedy/horror movie Rare Exports skewers holiday tropes and traditions is infectious. A lesson in cinematic restraint, Rare Exports takes itself entirely seriously as it slowly and precisely unfolds a completely absurd Christmas tale. The murderous Santa Claus here is not a maniac in a Santa suit like so many other horror-Christmas movies. Instead, Santa is a mythic creature frozen in ancient permafrost, waiting eons for some numbnuts to thaw him out. They do thaw him out, of course, and are properly, brutally rewarded for their trouble. I promise you will like this movie.

Streaming: Hulu

If you’re deeply suspicious of the “joy” and “togetherness” espoused by Christmas-marketeers, skip It’s a Wonderful Life and watch Melancholia instead. In Lars Von Triers’ hopeless, fascinating meditation on mental illness and the end of the world, a mysterious planet is hurtling toward Earth. Everyone knows the world is going to end, but they keep doing things anyway, squabbling, talking, living their lives—just like you’re doing right now, in spite of your impending, inevitable death. The approaching End of Days frames family drama and messy emotions as meaningless noise, but while Melancholia’s characters can seemingly avoid thinking about the black planet approaching to annihilate human life, you won’t be able to. Instead you’ll be asking “Wonderful life? Not-Wonderful life? What difference does any of it make?”

Streaming: Hulu

The 2004 remake of Dawn of the Dead may have been more exciting, but original, 1978 Dawn is a better, more thoughtful movie. In the best zombie movies, the zombies are metaphorical, and here, they stand-in for the excesses of consumerism. The undead are drawn by the most important place in their lives: the mall. Their urge to consume (both goods and brains) is so strong, even death can’t stop it. Dawn of the Dead has nothing to do with Christmas on the surface, but the masses of empty-eyed ghouls crashing through the gates at the mall are exactly like shoppers hitting Walmart on Black Friday.

Streaming: Starz

Adam Sandler catches a lot of (often deserved) cultural flack for being unfunny and annoying, but he was fantastic in Punch-Drunk Love, his early movies are pretty good, and Eight Crazy Nights is a nice gesture to Jewish kids who want a holiday special of their own. It’s not great, and it’s surprisingly angry and vulgar for a holiday movie aimed at kids, but it’s something, and it doesn’t have Christmas as its center.

Streaming: Netlfix

Part of what makes Christmas so annoying is how basic it is. Christmas is for everyone, and things that are for everyone suck. Watching Bergman’s Seventh Seal on Christmas Eve is a bold reclamation of your individuality, a statement that says, “I don’t celebrate Christianity with candy canes, gingerbread houses, and twinkling lights. I celebrate by suffering through a moody, Swedish art film about a Christian crusader playing chess with Death in an attempt to save his village from the bubonic plague.”

Streaming: Prime Video

If someone you love is really into A Christmas Story, ask them if they want to watch director Bob Clarke’s first Christmas movie. Then put on Black Christmas. Instead of a sentimental love letter to a bygone era, Black Christmas is a gritty slasher movie in which a houseful of sorority sisters are butchered by a sex predator during the holiday season. Just as A Christmas Story earns is laughs and warm feelings through solid film-making, Black Christmas earns its queasy, scary vibe through tight directing, solid writing, and great acting.

Streaming: Shudder

Everyone might be watching Peter Jackson’s interminable Beatles documentary on Disney+, but Apple TV’s Velvet Underground doc is way better. While the Beatles were releasing lame-ass Christmas records every year, the Velvet Underground were too busy being menacing drugged-out noise-rockers pushing the boundaries of artistic expression and re-inventing rock and roll to even bother. The Velvet Underground were too cool for Christmas. They were so cool, I bet they didn’t even know when it was Christmas. Be like the Velvet Underground, not the Beatles.

Streaming: Apple +

Shelley Winters stars as the title character of this poisonous, campy Christmas horror movie from Great Britain, and she is simply amazing. Auntie Roo is a seemingly kindly widow who hosts an annual Christmas sleepover for local orphans. But like everyone who is extra into Christmas, Auntie Roo is compensating for something: Specifically, she keeps her daughter’s mummified remains in the attic, and her thin mask of sanity is slipping. Anyone who ever went back home for Christmas will relate to this story of helpless orphans trapped in a house with a lunatic, and the somber pronouncement of the police inspector that ends the movie will definitely resonate: ”Poor little devils, they’ll probably have nightmares till the day they die.”

Streaming: Prime Video

And finally, if you really want to get in touch with your hatred of Christmas, like dig way deep to discover previously unknown mines of uncut, pure Christmas-loathing, do not watch A Very Country Christmas, but click this link to check out the “customers who watched this item also watched” list. Keep drilling down: There are hundreds, maybe thousands, of low-budget braindead Christmas cash-grab movies rotting away in Amazon’s toilet. There are disturbing CGI Christmas farts, bad puppet Christmas poops, witless romantic Christmas dukies, cynical “faith-based” Christmas turds, and even entire sub-genres of more specific Christmas shits, like Christmas + cute animals and Christmas + princesses. It’s worse than we thought possible.

Streaming: Prime Video