While many of my childhood memories are fuzzy or nonexistent, I vividly remember making “mud pies” and my very own tree swing in the backyard, playing whiffle ball in the street, and taking endless scooter joy rides around our cul-de-sac, all because sitting in front of the TV for hours was simply not allowed.

Today, according to the CDC, children age 8–10 spend about 6 hours a day in front of a screen for entertainment—not for educational purposes. (This figure jumps to a thoroughly depressing 9 hours a day for kids age 11–14). Needless to say, kids need more time outside, improvising, problem solving, using their imaginations, exercising their bodies, getting their hands dirty, and making lasting core memories. And if they must be parentally forced, so be it.

Whenever I felt the need to annoyingly follow my mom around the house whining while she did laundry, or made dinner, or vacuumed, without fail she’d shoo me away saying, “You have to learn to entertain yourself.” And damned if she wasn’t right. When I finally accepted that no one would be saving me from boredom, I’d go outside, rifle through the marker and crayon box, or concoct an elaborate Barbie drama. Or simply lie on the floor, bored. (I turned out to be a creative adult who now craves hours of alone time to entertain myself. Go figure.)

Boredom is necessary and functional; it helps kids build valuable skills like creativity, self-esteem, emotional regulation, planning and problem-solving, and flexibility and organization, according to the Child Mind Institute. It also will save you from playing Lego with them for the one-millionth hour.

OK, not all families all the time (this was the latchkey kid era, after all). But in general, there was once a greater emphasis on family mealtimes. Nowadays, this can be all but impossible, with multiple kids get involved in music, school clubs, and sports, but whenever it can happen, we should make eating together a priority.

According to Stanford Children’s Health, family meals teach the importance of sharing responsibilities (like food prep, table setting, and kitchen cleanup). They also impart table manners, communication skills (like being patient while waiting for a sibling to finish talking), enhanced relationships, and greater self-esteem among children whose parents take time to express interest in their daily experiences.

Back in the day, parents didn’t brainstorm, plan, and help build every aspect of their kid’s science fair projects (at least mine didn’t). They also didn’t meddle in every facet of their kids’ schooling and extra-curricular life, emailing teachers and calling coaches on the regular to discuss test grades or an amount of playing time they deemed unfair. While parental knowledge and involvement is essential to support kids’ development—and to advocate for them when they can’t advocate for themselves—kids need less rescuing from the sorts of negative feelings and outcomes we must all must learn to cope with in order to thrive later in life.

As a parent, most of my weekends feel like they revolve around the games, recitals, and birthday parties that make up the fabric of our kids’ lives. And, while their activities and social worlds are no doubt important, they shouldn’t supplant our own. To the extent possible, we should reclaim some of our evening and weekend time for not just family barbecues and neighborhood pool parties, but for one-on-one date nights, hobbies, concerts, and kidless social gatherings with our adult friends.

Some of this is unavoidable if your child is interested in playing a sport at any level beyond merely recreational. But between school, homework, twice-weekly practices for travel teams (that start at age six), music and martial arts lessons, Girl and Boy Scouts, tutoring, and other extracurriculars, kids barely have a moment to breathe in their packed daily schedules. And kids who don’t have any unstructured down time may experience stress, exhibit less interest in all those activities, and suffer strained family relationships as a result of overscheduling.

The days of a few big TV networks and millions of homes watching the same Thursday night prime time programming (and then talking about the best lines the next day) are gone. Perhaps even more difficult than having everyone home to eat at the same time is finding one show everyone is willing to watch—and which all will actually enjoy. And believe me, I understand wanting to use the kids’ TV time to get all the household things done (because when else can we?)

But the moments we’ve accidentally landed on a show we can all watch together, like Magic for Humans, Floor is Lava, Old Enough, and Flinch, or purposely orchestrated family movie nights to watch Indiana Jones or all 9 episodes of Star Wars have been really, really fun. (Well, except for all the pee breaks.) It’s worth making time to watch shows and movies together—and when you do, put down your phone and pay attention (the kids will notice).

Remember when you wouldn’t dare interrupt your mom or dad as they chatted with an adult friend, much less say hello to that adult using their first name? (Every adult had a title—Mr., Miss, Mrs., or Coach). This isn’t a “kids should be seen and not heard” Boomer rant. But it is an elder millennial reminder that we don’t have to tend to our child’s every need and request immediately. Yes, we should value what our kids have to say; yes, we should validate, listen to, and help them process their emotions. We can even acknowledge that it’s hard to be patient. But sometimes they must be quiet and wait—the grownups are talking.

Granted, this was much easier before smartphones and iPads were invented, but there’s something invaluable about time spent forced to talk to your family. Rather than escaping into social media at the mere whiff of boredom or annoyance, we are forced to find a more healthy, DIY way to cope with unpleasant emotions via making small talk, pretending to listen when we don’t really care, cracking borderline inappropriate jokes to ease tension, taking “mental health walks,” and deep breathing (all invaluable life skills, really). Try to set aside time every day or week to co-exist like people did in the olden days: through sometimes dysfunctional connection, but connection nonetheless.