First off, it is fine, well, and good—great, even—to be an “older employee” (40+). We have years of work and real life experience to bring to any job. If you’re in that group, you may not give a rat’s arse about looking or sounding anything other than your age. In which case, rock on.
But if you do care about looking old fogey-ish, what follows is for you. Even if we’re not saying “back in my day,” using exact change, or talking about joint stiffness, there are more subtle signals that appear out of touch. Here are some classic tells to avoid that can make us seem like the oldest bruh on the block.
Having an AOL email address
AOL is the OG. It was the gateway to the web back in the late 90s. Which is why we must all get rid of this ancient address. Same goes for Hotmail, Netscape, and Earthlink. Dinosaurs, all. To paraphrase TikTok: If you ain’t on Gmail, then where the fuck you at?
Using two spaces after a period
If you want everyone to know you learned to type before the advent of computers, this is the way to go. It’s a holdover from the typewriter age of monospaced typesetting, when the additional space was needed to clearly delineate when the next sentence began (and as a space- and money-saving technique when printing newspapers—remember them?) We now use proportionally spaced fonts, and by “now” we mean since the last millennium.
Calling it a PowerPoint “presentation”
Yes, yes. PowerPoint is presentation software. Those slides have been compiled for presentation purposes. But nowadays, it’s called a “deck.”
Using email instead of Slack (or Teams)
There are times email makes sense. When sending large attachments, documents for review, HR policies, or things you may refer back to often, such as vacation schedules. But if we’re just asking for a deadline extension, to reschedule a one-on-one meeting, or say “got it”? Nobody needs an email for that.
Making fun of social media
Have you ever said, “on the TikTok,” “in the Tweeeterverse,” or “I can’t keep up with what the kids are doing these days”? While you may not use social media, to downplay its power sounds out of touch. Familiarize yourself with the main players: Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, Snapchat, and YouTube, and some of the most popular content creators, who are reshaping entertainment and brand marketing. Notice we didn’t include Facebook in that list? Speaking of...
Referencing Facebook
We can still be on Facebook, if we must, to keep up with old friends or post cute photos just so the Memories feature will show them to us again next year. But we shan’t mention this to anyone. This must remain our dirty little secret.
Not having Venmo
Picture it: there’s a Super Bowl pool, team lunch, or group baby shower gift collection. And someone asks: Do you have Paypal? What’s your Zelle? Don’t be that guy. People don’t want to check multiple apps and accounts to make sure they got reimbursed. Just get Venmo. (And yes, we know PayPal owns Venmo, Cash App is on the rise, and Apple Pay will one day rule the world. Still, Venmo is most commonly used, for now).
Leaving an actual voicemail
Why make a person listen to a longwinded ramble full polite fluff, uhs, ums, tangents, and breathy pauses, when we can send a seven-word direct message that saves everyone time? Call me about the Peterson report. Thanks.
Using old office lingo
Please, let’s not say the words Xerox, stewardess, memo, photocopy, or fax. Ever. If you feel the triteness of “think outside the box” or “soup to nuts” pressing against your lips, you must swallow it whole.
Making outdated cultural references
Have you ever said you’re more of a Carrie than a Miranda? Let slip how invested you were in Pam and Jim’s relationship? Avoid dropping cultural references from 15+ years ago, when your co-workers may have been fifth graders. Seinfeld may have a resurgence in cultural relevance now that it’s on Netflix, but maybe not. It’s a comedy about neurotic, self-absorbed white people from a decade that kids now refer to as “the late 1900s.” (Sorry. It hurts us too.)
Using too many emojis
We don’t care what anyone says, you can pry the crying laughing emoji from our cold, dead hands. (It’s better than LOL, which everyone’s out here still using even though it’s been around since 1989.) But adding an emoji to every Slack message, or more than one makes us look...not spritely. We’re all adults here. We don’t need to put the skull after everything we hope will be received as funny. (Talking to myself here.)
Making fun of your age
Harmless phrases like: I’m dating myself, This was before your time, or anything that subtly mentions how long we’ve been around can do more harm than good. It may feel lighthearted and good-natured, but even joke comments point to self-consciousness, and remind everyone we were drinking 40s before they were born.