You’ve made the annual pilgrimage to the Christmas tree farm, selected the fullest Fraser fir, (or erected that surprisingly lifelike pre-lit Aspen artificial from Costco), placed each ornament on the perfect branch and carefully lifted your little one to the tree’s apex for the privilege of putting the star on top. Now it’s time to relax and enjoy cozy, childlike wonder every time you pass by its twinkling splendor on the way to the laundry room. Right?
Wrong. If you’ve got children under age 5, getting the tree up is only half the battle. (And what a battle it was. Using your cheeriest Christmas voice to say, “Let’s not touch that!” “Oops, don’t plug that in!” and “Great job!” in regards to their interesting ornament placement before immediately moving that shit to a more secure location. Hell hath no fury like a toddler whose haphazard, perilous ornament placement has been messed with.)
Now you’ve got to make sure they don’t drag the whole thing down with their exuberant curiosity and love of putting everything—include shiny metal objects—into their mouth. So how can you keep both your merry Tannenbaum and your young children safe?
Make the tree inaccessible
Never underestimate the power of a baby gate. Will it mar the pristine beauty of what you’ve just created? Yes. But it will also make sure your work doesn’t come crashing to the ground. If you’re not up for unattractive barriers, get a smaller tree, place it on a table where they can’t reach it, and and secure it from being tipped over (with duct tape or zip ties).
Rearrange ornaments (or go ornament-less)
Be sure to place the most cherished or delicate ornaments on the top half of the tree (or stash them away entirely until your kids are older) and softer, cheaper ornaments on the bottom third. You can leave the bottom half of the tree bare, but who wants a butt-naked tree? You could also consider foregoing ornaments altogether, and opt for something like red glitter bows that can be tied to the tree for a festive look. No tinsel, though. That’s a choking hazard.
Let them touch everything once (while you’re around)
Instead of freaking out every time they extend a tiny, peanut-butter stained hand, consider having some supervised “free play” time with the tree, during which you give them a tour of the ornaments, explain what they are, and let them touch (gently) with no repercussions. This one gesture may give them enough of a sense of freedom that they won’t feel the need to exact revenge for being repeatedly told something is off-limits.
Create your own “alarm system”
In reading other suggestions on this topic, I saw the following recommendation: “Teach your child not to touch,” and I laughed and laughed. In fact, I’m still chuckling. Every parent knows, the more you tell a child not to do something, they more they cannot help but do that thing. While that tip is not practical or actionable, another one struck me as quite clever. Place bell ornaments around the lower half of the tree so you’ll be alerted every time your kid starts touching it, like a low-rent toddler ADT system.
Give them something else to play with
There are a number of ways to make the actual tree less of an all-consuming attraction. Buy a small tree for their bedroom (or place it on a table near the real tree) with its own tiny, unbreakable ornaments that they can decorate with abandon, and no one else can touch. Make a big show of how it’s just for them, and you won’t interfere with their design. Buy a felt Christmas tree with ornaments they can rearrange to their heart’s content, or temporarily relocate some of their favorite toys (or rocks, or sticks) from the playroom to tree-side in an effort to distract their attention. A train that runs around the tree would serve a similar purpose.
Skip the tree (or put it up late)
You can always skip a tree altogether or put it up at the last minute, and leave it up longer after the holiday. (Admittedly, these are two less-than-festive solutions if you love creating Christmas cheer.) Whatever you choose, resist the urge to put out any presents until they’re fast asleep on Christmas eve. Operation Tree Protection means nothing if everyone’s surprises are gleefully destroyed in the lead up to the big day.