Voice notes—which are something like a cross between a standard text message and a personal podcast—are increasing in popularity. And Apple makes them easy to send in place of a regular old iMessage: On an iPhone, you simply hold down the little microphone button that appears next to where you’d type out a text message; then you speak and send a clip of your voice to the person you’re talking to. Some people love this. Some people hate this. Some people, like me, are recent converts. But there is an etiquette you should know no matter where you stand.
Have a good relationship with your recipient
First of all, don’t send a voice note to someone with whom you don’t have a solid, existing relationship. Remember how text messages used to feel really personal compared to phone calls and emails, and you might have once bristled at being contacted that way by a colleague or acquaintance? That’s how voice notes feel now. There’s just something weirdly intimate about hearing another person’s voice. Avoid shooting off a voice message to a new friend, a boss, a professor, or someone who might not know how to play it (like your grandmother).
Next, use your understanding of the other person to feel out if they’ll even want a voice note. I used to respond to every voice note I got with a text that said something like, “lol absolutely not,” or, “not listening to that, try again.” Some people just do not want to pause their music or otherwise halt their day to listen to your monologue. You see, iMessage voice notes are tricky: They can’t be paused and restarted in the middle. You can’t track back on them to listen to certain segments over again. Once someone presses play, they’re committed; they have to listen to the whole damn thing. Depending on their phone settings, the voice note may also disappear a few minutes after it’s played. There is a rushed, sort of chaotic element to consuming voice notes and you should know—before you send one—if your intended recipient is down for all that.
When asked for his voice note etiquette tips, Ramy Zabarah, a media professional in New York City, responded less than enthusiastically to the whole idea.
“I always prefer texting over a phone call,” he said, pointing to the similarities between calls and voice notes: Spotty service, loud distractions, or not having time to sit and listen to audio make it hard to focus, whereas texts are just easier to read on the go. Plus, he added, “It doesn’t allow me to guide or react to the conversation.” Finally, he expressed annoyance at having to listen to an entire voice note all over again any time he misses something that was said.
Someone like Zabarah, then, is not a good candidate to receive your voice notes. Check in with your friends about whether they want to communicate this way or not. If you’re about to fire off a lengthy one to send one to someone with whom you don’t usually correspond that way, it doesn’t hurt to text and ask first.
Make it easy for the other person
Voice notes should be fun! Once you get into a groove with them, you can tell engaging stories complete with impressions, sing, or let your friends hear your surroundings. It’s intimate and cool and, when done correctly, can be a great way to communicate. (I have found a lot of relief, generally, in just launching a primal scream into a voice note to my best friend when something goes wrong in my life.) That being said, don’t mess this up by making your recipient work to get what you’re saying.
“Voice notes must be under a minute and 30 seconds,” said Emily Rella, a writer in her 20s who is also a prolific voice-note user. “If you go over, cut it into two parts. And don’t do it while walking outside. It can get muffled.”
Remember, iPhone users can’t go back and replay certain sections of voice messages, so chunking your longer tales into smaller bits at least gives them the opportunity to only replay certain parts. Be aware of your surroundings, too. If you’re in a loud bar or a public bathroom, for example, remember that you could be drowned out or your friend could hear something they don’t want to hear. Try to keep their location in mind, too. If they’re in a loud bar or a public bathroom, they may not want to or be able to whip their AirPods out just to listen to your 30-second rant. Sometimes, a text is just the better option.