The list of experiences that teenagers are missing out on during the pandemic can feel endless. Two different classes of high school seniors will look back on their final year of childhood as one of the most boring and isolating of their young lives. Most of the biggest and best milestones went virtual, but the pandemic robbed them of the little moments, too—like flirting with a crush in the hallway between classes.
Teenagers, like adults, are still trying to develop and maintain romantic relationships during the pandemic, which can be easy to overlook given everything else parents and kids are trying to manage. But romantic experiences are an important component of a teen’s social and emotional development, and it’s something they’re often missing right now.
https://offspring.lifehacker.com/your-teenager-needs-a-hug-right-now-1845349198
Start by acknowledging it
Dr. Jill Emanuele, senior director of the Mood Disorders Center at the Child Mind Institute, says acknowledging this is the first thing parents of teenagers should do.
“They have to validate them,” Emanuele says. “They have to say, ‘I get that this is probably more challenging than I even realized, because I can’t imagine what it would have been like to not be able to see my friends in high school and to have to just be with my parents all the time.’ Really validate that this has been a challenging situation.”
Whenever you can give them privacy, you should.
It’s also important, Emanuele says, to note that teenagers have lost a significant amount of their privacy during this pandemic, particularly as it relates to romantic relationships. In normal times, they might connect with a boyfriend or girlfriend primarily during school, at sporting events and other activities, or when they’re hanging out together within a larger group of friends. But now, for safety reasons, you probably pretty much always know where they’re going and who they’re seeing. That can be incredibly frustrating for a teenager who may not be ready to share a romantic interest with you, but feels they have to in order to make plans for a date.
“In a sense, a teen’s private life is somewhat not private [right now],” she says, “because decisions that they’re making involve their families being safe.”
That makes sense, and boundaries and safe behaviors are important now more than ever. But whenever you can give them privacy, you should. As Rachel Ehmke writes for Child Mind Institute:
Once you’ve set sound ground rules for how your teen might be able to date safely, do your best to give them a semblance of privacy. For example, if it’s their fire pit for the evening, try not to eavesdrop and keep their younger sister away.
Consider how the pace of the relationship may be affected
Depending on how much teenagers are able to get out and see someone they’re dating, it’s likely their relationships are developing more deeply online than in person, at least initially.
“This generation has probably gotten used to spending a lot more time talking online ... so they were already a little bit more used to it than adults were,” Emanuele says. “But they have to, in a sense, almost develop a relationship online unless they’re seeing each other in school—and that will change, potentially, the pace of the relationship, and how quickly it evolves.”
However, being forced to primarily connect virtually may actually lead to a physical relationship forming even faster than it normally would, as Ehmke writes:
When kids do embark on a relationship, it can get intense quickly. For one thing, getting together requires a more sophisticated level of planning and vetting than it once did. “It’s moving very quickly because people are bored and because you have to work so hard for the relationship that you want to make it last a long time,” explains Dr. [Jaime] Howard. “So it’s speeding up and maybe deepening relationships that would otherwise be one part of a full social life. It’s now a much more prominent part than we usually have around this age.
Either way, Emanuele tells me, you should be having all the conversations you’d normally be having with teenagers about sex and consent—with an added layer of how safety during a pandemic fits in.
“Parents, in general, want to talk to their kids about what dating is about and how to practice safe sex, and all the normal things we would do anyway,” Emanuele says. But now with a twist of: Here’s all the COVID stuff you have to pay attention to, too.”
If they’re lonely overall
Some teenagers aren’t even trying to develop a romantic relationship right now—because what they really want and need is a friend. Emanuele says many kids are feeling isolated, particularly if their schooling is happening entirely virtually and the only people they’re seeing regularly are their parents and siblings. Parents should encourage their kids to keep up with video calls and connect with friends on social media in safe ways, or help them research virtual clubs or groups that align with their interests.
Beyond that, Emanuele stresses that one thing parents of lonely, isolated children have to prioritize is getting their kids outside, whether it’s for a socially distanced get-together with friends or a walk around the neighborhood with you.
“What I keep saying over and over and over is, ‘Encourage your kids to get outside,’” she says. “Even if you’re in a cold environment, I can’t tell you how many kids have said to me, ‘I’ve been in the house for two weeks; I have not left my house for two weeks.’ And that is just not normal.
“Get them out of the house, and get them out of their room. Because that [being inside all the time] really contributes to isolation, that feeling of boredom, and that things are never ending, and things are never going to change.”