Politician Supports Right Of Protesters To Assemble Anywhere SUV Can Plow Through Them

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WASHINGTON—In response to the continuing debate over the ethics of public demonstration, Rep. Lyle Goodrich (R-CA) told reporters Wednesday that he supports the right of protesters to assemble anywhere an SUV can plow through them. “Americans absolutely have the right to make their voices heard in public spaces where an SUV could easily gain speed and mow down a whole group,” said Goodrich, adding that being able to ram a full-size SUV into a crowd of demonstrators was a vital American tradition that he would stop at nothing to protect. “Freedom of assembly means that U.S. citizens have the right to have their arms, legs, and skulls pinned under the tires of a large pickup truck, or even a mid-size sedan. The founders are very clear on the right to assemble anywhere a 5,000-pound vehicle can take out a dozen in a single maniac burst, and the First Amendment protects your right to make your voice heard while shouting from the wheel well of an Escalade. Whether it’s a march, a gathering outside an official’s home, or a candlelight vigil, if you can drive an SUV into the crowd and run over a hundred people within seconds, I support it.” Goodrich added that he is also a staunch supporter of letting protesters demonstrate within the crosshairs of a law enforcement sniper’s gun.